Enrolling in school was a portentous decision. Working in health care means you are never permitted to stop learning. Beyond just the necessary learning requirements, I’m also attempting to advance my education to move into a different arena. I want to teach nursing students, to influence the next generation of our health care workers. Teaching is something I am passionate about. I love training new nurses at my hospital, and I enjoy being involved in the education that goes on there. It’s been an amazing adventure so far.
There are so many things that God says to me, through the bible or through teachers and preachers. What I have been hearing lately is how much he loves me.
I struggle with love for myself. I can fake confidence. I actually have pride in who I am and what I have accomplished. I truly love my children, and many others in my life. But I cannot say with confidence that I love myself. I’m not even sure how to do it. I try to take care of myself, get enough sleep, eat healthy, spend time in prayer and meditation, exercise, yoga. I thought that it was enough to treat myself well, but there seems to be something missing. What does it really mean to love myself?
When I explain to anyone the nature of my life, the obligations I am trying to fulfill, most people are impressed if not shocked by the weight of my burdens. I hope that I do not take on so much just to impress people. What I am doing in my life now is only to be able to give myself and my children the best possible future. The problem with it is my constant stress and my inability to really excel at so many things at once. Something has to give. So we eat McDonald’s, or sandwiches for dinner, the house is not clean and we haven’t done anything fun as a family in weeks. I am not failing as a mother, just not doing as well as I’d like. But I’ll keep praying for wisdom, maybe one of my obligations needs to be dropped. There will be joy and laughing again in my house.
I haven’t watched it, so that’s half of the two tickets he paid for. I really wasn’t interested in seeing it before reading this though, so I don’t know that it counts for much. Because I haven’t seen it, I don’t have anything to add to what he’s said on the subject, but I did enjoy reading this. I laughed outright at some of his commentary. Enjoy.
On Friday, my wife and I had a very rare date night.
Naturally, we decided to spend it being pummeled by the blaring condescension of the most insipid, absurd, unimaginative, clumsily contrived piece of anti-Christian filmmaking to come along since, well, probably just last week.
In fact, if I learned anything from Noah, it’s this: despite popular perception, you can often judge a book by its cover. Also, giant deformed rock monsters make for awkward supporting characters.
We’ll meditate on that second item in a moment, but it’s the first point that should be especially emphasized.
Christians: you’ll hear people insist that you can’t criticize the movie until you’ve seen it. Noticeably, the loudest voices in this camp are the ones who will (rather coincidentally, I’m sure) profit immensely if you meet their challenge.
You can hate this film without watching it, for the same reason…
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I am a believer, call myself a christian. Being a christian is supposed to mean that we love people. Being an American is supposed to mean that we love freedom.
Michele Bachmann suggested that the gay community is bullying Americans and politicians. You can read the full article and hear the clip for yourself here. This is my response.
Dear Michele Bachmann,
I would like to provide you with a definition of a word that, for all your legal experience, you seem not to comprehend. The word “bully” has become a buzzword, a convenient way for adults who are losing an argument to shut down the conversation. When your back is against the wall, you call someone a “bully” and if they don’t allow you to gracefully exit the argument you get to say, “SEE! They ARE a bully.”
Except, that’s incorrect. “Bully” is defined variously as “a person who uses superior strength or power to harm, intimidate or influence those who are weaker.”
Now let’s reconsider your words. “…the gay community, they have so bullied the American people, and…
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Growing up, I heard this song on the radio often, or maybe my parents had a cassette tape of it. We would be sitting in the dark in the back seat of the car, my brothers and I. Probably on the way home from our uncle’s house where our parents had played cards until long after we fell asleep on the living room floor. Kenny’s deep, soothing voice and my parents’ quiet conversation were the lullaby I would fall back asleep to.
It wasn’t until more recently that the wisdom of this song struck me in its simplicity, although I’m not sure that a twelve step program for gamblers would agree with my assessment. Life is never certain, like a hand of cards dealt during a poker game. You always have a choice in how you react to what you are dealt. Knowing when to hold, when to fold, when to walk away, and when to run are key learning points that many never attain. Whether you are involved in a relationship that you should have run away from a long time ago, or you’ve given up too quickly, what you learn from the experience is what will last.
I love the imagery of the old man teaching the young man from his life experiences. It seems our society has brushed aside the older people in our lives instead of embracing them and the wisdom they have gathered through their years of experience. Every single person you encounter in your life has something to teach you if you are open to it.
This life is a vapor. As a kid, I would watch the smoke from my dad’s cigarette. Maybe not a beautiful picture, but I loved the design of the smoke. The way it would curl and twist, working its way upward would fascinate me for probably a longer time frame than was healthy. When the bible talks about life being like a vapor, I see that smoke. It was pretty, unique every time, but very, very brief. I could no sooner reach out and grab hold of that smoke than I could run out to the garden and catch a fairy.
What is with the smoke talk? I am a single mom. I have had many people tell me that God has the right man out there for me. They point out examples of others God has blessed with godly spouses, and tell me to wait on him. I know they mean well, and they are right to an extent, BUT doesn’t that just perpetuate the idea that this life is the important one? It screams of the worldly concept of being happy here and now.
Maybe God wants me to remarry someday, or maybe he doesn’t. The reality of this world is that it focuses on our temporary state, and makes it all important. I made this mistake earlier in my life, which may have contributed to bring me to where I am. My feelings, my happiness, the desires of my flesh are not the reason God allows me to live.
God is not interested in my happiness. He is focused on my holiness. He made me for a purpose, he has many lessons that I can learn only here on this planet. Once I die, there will be no more questions, no more opportunities to take a leap of faith. Every moment of every day is a gift and a time to seek what he would have me learn from it, and how he would have me affect those around me. My focus cannot be on where my next romantic encounter may come from.
I am female, and have a desire for romance in my life, but I believe if I give into that I will be pulled away from where my focus needs to be. And maybe there is some fear involved. If I ever choose to open my life up to a man again, I put myself and my children at risk. I’m not sure it’s worth it.