When a topic or an event has great meaning to me, I can become quite passionate about it. I lean toward the extreme, to think that something can only be one way, to think that my truth is the only truth. It has been a long time since I have felt really passionate about anything. I have spent a great amount of time learning to be open minded about others’ opinions and beliefs. In the process, maybe I’ve lost some of my passion. Passion is one of my favorite experiences, second only to peace. How can I get that passion back but still be open to new ideas?
I have been on my own for over three years. There has been some dating, but today, there is no man in my life. It takes some practice, some intentionality to enjoy being alone. I cling to hope that there may be someone to share this life with some day, but that cannot be my focus. How can I be productive, and achieve my goals if my main goal is to find a man? Being alone is difficult, and I have a strong desire to change my situation, but so much of life is difficult. If we spend our time attempting to change what we cannot change, we have wasted our lives.
I gave up dating for Lent. It has been a successful experiment. I have intentionally not looked to see if a man has a ring. I have left the house, knowing that if I run into someone I’m interested in, I have to put them off for a little while. It has been liberating. By intentionally keeping dating out of my head, I’ve had a few very fascinating conversations with nice looking men, that may be single as well. Because I wasn’t worried about impressing them, I said what I was thinking, which is often quite amusing.
I read an article today written by a mother who lost a child. (disclaimer: I am not attempting to say that losing a child is like going through a divorce) Her pain resonated with me. It’s not just the loss, it’s the inability to express the loss.
I am a christian woman, I should not be divorced, but if I’m going to be divorced, I must explain to every person who asks or acts remotely curious that it was his fault (biblically) and that I know God is working it out for my good.
Well, it’s all a big, fat load of crap. I’ve been divorced for almost ten years now, almost longer than I was married, and I still don’t see how this is good. Divorce is a horrible, bitter, ripping apart of your soul. There is no good in it, that’s why Jesus says what he says about it. There is no going back.
Back to the article with the grieving mother, the truth that she was expressing is that life is beautiful in spite of the pain, and sometimes even because of the pain. Being a divorced, single mom is not the life I envisioned, not what I would choose for myself. But it is beautiful. My life is not possible despite my pain, it is possible because of my pain. Only the pain of my circumstances brought me low enough to look to him.
Falling in love is one of the greatest experiences we have in life. The joy and pleasure in the experience override any other feeling at that time. There is, at least for me, an almost complete lack of logical thought while in the height of passion of a new love. The problem with love is that the emotional high fades. There will come a day sooner or later that it won’t be so wonderful, that the little quirks or faults of the one you love will no longer be so tolerable. The stress of daily life will soon grow over the beauty of the relationship, if nothing is done to hold it back. Like the garden that is left to the whims of the weeds, love cannot flourish without effort.
I was reading something in the last day or so that insisted that words of self affirmation are important to overall well being. I think pretty highly of myself for the most part, but I saw a writing prompt in a book that requested I write my favorite attribute. It’s a little hard to choose, but I think my best trait is my attitude.
First of all, I am an unusually optimistic person. For someone who’s been through the ringer, and works in a field full of unpleasant realities, I almost always see the bright side of any situation. Along with that, I think highly of people until they prove (repeatedly) that they are unworthy of my admiration. Some of that comes from believing that all people are created in the image of God, and some probably just a gift of a naive personality.
I learned as a child that I cannot change what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it. Part of that means allowing myself to retain an openness to people, despite the risk of getting hurt again.
Is there still a stigma about going to see a counselor? I was taken as a kid because of the way I was acting out, so it’s never bothered me. As an adult, I find going to a counselor one of the best gifts I give myself. To be able to spend an hour talking about whatever I want, and get objective feedback is such a treat.
There are so many aspects about myself that I’m still learning. And then I keep changing too. I hope to always have a grasp of who I am, and what I’m living for. There’s a verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that talks about putting away childish things. It seems like the older I get, the more I’m finding in my life that needs weeded out, like a childhood toy that no longer has a purpose.
What are you seeing in your life that isn’t working for you anymore?
It’s actually three verses, but they’re short.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.
I was a teenager when I found these verses. I had been asking anyone who would listen “how do I know God’s will for me?” And “what is his will for me?” When I found these verses, I knew I had my answer. This is God’s will for you. It is so simple, yet so profound. If we wake up every morning, and do these three things, our day will be beautiful and full of promise. It will change the way we experience difficult circumstances, create a completely different environment in our home, allow us the possibility of being a blessing to everyone we come in contact with.
I hope and pray that I will be diligent to do this.
I’m learning so many things lately, and most of it I’ve learned before. I don’t know how to keep track of everything I know, the lessons of life and how to live it. I know I’m not the wisest person out there, and I don’t even know how much I don’t know. Despite that, I want to share what I’m learning. Don’t know if it will help anyone, but maybe by putting some of it into words, I’ll solidify it in my own understanding, make it stick a little better in my own mind.
It might all fit in this post, I might remember everything I want to say right now, or this may be a series of posts. I don’t really plan any of this.
First of all, stay humble. It’s funny to me that I even have a problem with this, because in my own mind I’m pretty darn humble. But somewhere along the way I started seeing this as a virtue. I attempt to learn every day, and am learning, but see my increased knowledge as another virtue. God has had to knock me down a few pegs to teach me that none of this is of me. “My” virtue is only of him, not myself. This is a lesson I have been taught before, and may never fully grasp, but hope and pray sticks with me.
My second lesson recently is to stop trying to do it all on my own. As a single mom, or maybe it’s inherent stubbornness, I don’t want to be a charity case. I know I’m strong, but not allowing others to help me is a weakness, and robs them of the ability to be a blessing to me. I actually caught myself at work the other day when a coworker offered me help. I knew I could handle my difficulty on my own, but by allowing her to participate, it eased my work load and brought us closer.
It’s been a long day, and my bed is calling my name, so I’ll end there for now. Hopefully I’ll have some other lessons to pass on soon. God is patient with me, continually showing me what I’m missing.
I’m not a big fan of foul language, I find it unnecessary and think it dramatically decreases the intellectual level of any writing. That said, there’s no argument against anything in this post. In what world do the actions our government is taking make sense? Dear Obama.
I think I have the qualities necessary to be a celebrity. I’m not bad to look at, I know how to speak well, and I have a decent singing voice, and can be very passionate about what I believe in. Of course, all of this is my opinion. I could in reality be uglier than a box of rocks and sound like a frog when I sing, but I’m not, and I don’t.
As a single mother, living a very private life, I struggle financially. I live paycheck to paycheck; sometimes able to save a little money, but then something happens to necessitate emptying my savings. It’s a frustrating existence at times.
And then there are the celebrities.
These people are so talented that we as a culture are willing to spend millions of dollars buying concert tickets, books, t-shirts, movie tickets, DVD’s, and all manner of merchandise to spend a moment suspended from our usual reality. When I see the downfall of a famous person, I will not give you examples; it makes me wonder about the companies that have helped them to fame. If I were to write to a company, maybe include a demo, and tell them that I have no desire for fame, just a desire for that one big paycheck to bankroll me and the kids for the next twenty years, would they be interested in such a non-celebrity.
Then again, no matter how it is turns out, being involved in that world would change who I am. I enjoy being me. I occasionally spout words of wisdom to my children, sometimes to my co-workers, and often to my friends. The joy I gather from these moments, from knowing that I have taught someone something, or have encouraged a friend to keep on fighting the good fight is enough. My existence doesn’t have to be in front of a spot light to be important, and maybe being put in front of a spot light would tarnish the beauty in it.