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“What the heck!”  I’m a single lady, I’ve been on my own for over five years now, getting close to six years.  I began to explore the option of online dating recently, and I am flabbergasted at my lack of success.  I’m a decent looking person, I have a great personality, I love to laugh.  It is so frustrating to have no prospects, no hope of a future partner in life.

So now I’ve given it up.  It’s been a few months since I started this blog post.  I had such a feeling of helplessness, and such a desire for someone to share my life with.  I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be looking for someone, but when that takes over your thoughts, when you can’t refocus on what needs to be done in your life, it’s time to change your course.

Dating, especially online dating can take over your whole day.  There is a constant pull to check the site, see who liked you, which person just checked out your profile.  Then there are the messages that start coming in.  It’s like a drug (from my limited understanding of what drug addiction is like).  You get a rush from seeing the smiling face of someone who is interested in you.  The first message from a new person is another high, making you giddy with excitement, the possibilities fly into your mind.

I have a very strong imagination, my parents really encouraged that when I was young.  Every new man who showed any interest in me was a potential life partner.  The fantasy began.  I could picture what kind of house we would need to fit the family we would make together, what area we would have to life in to accommodate both our families and jobs.  I would estimate our joint income, and envision future vacations.  Living in a fantasy world has it’s benefits, but is counterproductive.

Not a single one of those men lived up to my expectations.  I finally figured out, no one can live up to my expectations, so expectations have gone out the window.  I am learning to love my singleness for now.  I have heard it said many times that you can’t find fulfillment in another person.  I have been guilty of believing someone new in my life would ease my burdens, make my life more complete.

My brother tells me to live my life, and stop trying to make things happen.  It will happen when it’s right.  I have begun to realize the importance of handing my life over to God every day.  If I am to seek him, and serve him, I can’t really have my own agenda.  I have desires, and even tentative plans for my life, but ultimately, God will lead me, probably down a path I’ve never dreamed of.  How can he do that if I’m so caught up in what I want in my life?